A gentle breeze, cool and fragrant, teases my hair, and I straighten. Pause.
Those blossoms smell how I imagine heaven. I let the scent, the stirring of air, refresh my body and my soul.
Did He stir the branches?
Send the breeze, the fragrance?
Or it is just how the Creator planned it out years ago. Scientific.
Maybe God is big enough to have planned out my encounters with nature even before I was born. Maybe when He set his plans in motion, spoke the seed for this beautiful tree into existence, He had me in mind even then.
Doesn’t the first chapter of Ephesians support this way of thinking? This God who plans with me in mind?
I choose to believe this moment is personal. He SEES ME. Wants to bless me. To cover my aching, weary body and soul with His perfume.
I’m reading Ann VosKamp again. She quotes Erasmus, a contemporary of Luther, “A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit.”
She admits the struggle for gratitude. Like her, my writing of over 1,000 thanks sometimes felt juvenile. I didn’t know then I was driving out a nail by another nail. That I was practicing what it is like to live a life of moments embraced and noticed with thanksgiving before they march on, lost in time, pushing me to hurry without living.
That noticing the little things and giving thanks to the One teaches me to live with Him. Notice Him. Trust Him. Slow down and embrace Him as I delight in His gifts.
i still practice. Choosing to hammer gratitude. Trust. Faith. For my soul. My mental and spiritual health.
And for my body I hammer healthier choices. Salad. Walks. Water.
Sometimes I awake fearful again. And which nail do I pick up? I want to practice trust. To drive out unbelief with faith. To grow as one who walks in peace with the Father. Believing He is personal. He sees. Me.
Sometimes, like the last six weeks or so, I curl in a ball instead of walking. Gaining a few pounds from not choosing the nail of activity.
And maybe that was ok, this drawing into myself to grieve. This wintering.
As long as I come out.
And there’s nothing like spring to draw me from winter, tempting me with fragrant breezes.
Reminding me that He sees.
He sees me.